Stuck On You by Jasper Bark

STUCK ON YOU coverWith a tag line by the publisher that actually says “Warning! Do not buy this book, gentle reader”, how the hell can I actually stand here (I’m totally sitting, guys) and say that you shouldn’t buy this book?

Because you know what? You should really buy this book.

If you like slashers, you should buy this book.
If you like Deadite Press and their nasty nastiness, you should buy this book.
If you like flesh dripping, genital torturing, disgusting prose, you should buy this book.
If you like Nora Roberts and those Evanovich books, you should… um… not buy this… fuck it, you should totally buy this book.

Why?
Because you’re never going to read something both horribly disgusting, and so brilliantly written, ever again. Ever.

So yeah, I am fully supportive of you all buying this book. It’s horrendously disgusting, and actually made me write to the publisher and ask “What the hell was that?” (Check that with Joe. He’ll back me up.)

Warning! Do not buy this book, gentle reader.

No really, we mean it. Move along, click away from this page and go look at some Dino porn instead. We’re not kidding. The only reason we published it is because award-winning author Jasper Bark has got some serious dirt on us. Honestly, there’s no other reason to put out something this depraved.

This is the sickest, filthiest and most horny novella you’re likely to read this year. It will turn you on even as it turns your stomach. Think you’ve seen everything there is to see in horror and erotica? Think again! Just when you think this story can’t get any lower it finds new depths to plumb.

Why are you still reading this?! Oh God you’re going to buy it aren’t you? You can’t help yourself. You’re going to click on that purchase button and download this little bad boy.

Well don’t say we didn’t warn you…

 – from crystallakepub.com

Flo realz, people. This is the real deal.
Okay… enough talking like an idiot.

The synopsis basically says nothing about the piece itself, but tell you everything about the nature of the style and the delivery of the story. It’s gritty, nasty, depraved, and highly sexually charged. I wouldn’t even hesitate to say that this could be the forefather of a true erotic horror movement, albeit very extreme “horrorotica”.

The story centers around a husband, Ricardo, who has been sent on an errand to Mexico by his wife, Ellen, to pick up a few odds and ends for their “artisan trading” business. The biggest problem with this? Whether or not Ellen can trust Ricardo to behave himself while in Mexico alone. Recently, Ellen had caught Ricardo in an attempted affair, uncovered more past indiscretions, and confronted him violently. Though she still allowed him to cross the border in search of items to sell as their booth in Arizona.

And that’s when he met Consuela. And everything gets worse from there.

When I say “everything gets worse”, I really mean it. Well, everything but the writing.

This sick puppy of a novella, ringing in at 58 digital pages, starts at disturbing, and takes an escalator up to the next level of the weirdo shopping center, to the over-the-top grossness store, and restocks its shelves with cans of whatthefuck pasta (with extra sauce) and vomit flavored Ramen noodles.

There’s nothing else I can say about this that won’t be a spoiler, save for the fact that it’s one of the most imaginative and excessive horror/erotica stories I have ever read. When Bark’s collection hits the shelves, I’m going to be first in line to get my sticky little hands on it.

C.

Note: Being turned on by this story worried me a little bit, but the cover reminds me of a ham steak for some reason and I’m actually kind of hungry… and that’s really beginning to worry me more…

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All Hallow’s Read 2013 (Day 4)

Today’s suggestion is for all of those folks who thought 50 Shades of Grey was the bee’s knees, and oh so sexy. Pssshhh. What a load of garbage.

Before I go off on a tangent and whip out some heavy BDSM references and Knotty Boys suggestions you might want to try, I want to be clear of something:

If you thought any part of the 50 Shades of Grey series were even remotely sexy and are now wading into the wide world of vanilla bondage and sissy spanking, we need to talk. And by talk, I mean really talk. There’s a serious conversation we need to have, and it’s going to be just about as awkward as whatever you think your kids felt like when you tried to tell them about the birds and the bees. Because today’s post is apparently brought to you by bees. So deal with it.

It’s sad when the world’s majority finds this bullshit fluff to be enticing, especially with pornography being so damned available these days. You’d think we’d have learned from our prudish days of yore. You know, really open up. But nooo. We didn’t.

I mean, really?
Is it so hard to tell your significant other to lay a smack down on your rump just that much harder?
To hold you by the throat and squeeze just a little bit tighter? .

No. It’s not, and I find it completely offensive that we, as a culture, can be so damned overt in our sexuality with our reading material, like reading this tripe on the subway, but it’s all blush and “No, I couldn’t possibly…” in the bedroom.

Fuck that noise. That’s a deal-breaker. And rightfully so.

Now, getting back to today’s suggestion, for all of you obviously sexually starved individuals, this shit is about to get reeeeaaaaaal.

NightWhereI’ve gone on the record to name John Everson the KING of erotic horror, and I did so for a reason. He’s the best there is at capturing the emotional and physical aspects of sexuality and the act of sex not only from a literary and visual angle, but also from a deep, philosophical angle as well. Everson knows what his readers yearn, and he delivers on the desires of his readership. There’s so much more I can say about this man and his insights, but we’ll leave that for another day. Suffice it to say, I wouldn’t be surprised if novels like The 13th, Sacrifice, Covenant, Siren, and his most recent his novel, NightWhere, become cult classics in the BDSM and goth scenes like his predecessors Barker and Brite.

This is an author who can, and will, take you for an erotic thrill ride and leave your breast heaving with excitement and satisfaction.

Mark my word, all of you sex-starved grannies, if Everson’s NightWhere doesn’t get your boat a-rockin’, nothing will.

The Narcissist’s BLT : The Beauty, The Linguist, and the Triathlete by Sèphera Girón

Whenever I talk about Erotica and Horror in literature, you can bet your ass I’ll utter the name Sèphera Girón several times in a single conversation. Why? ‘Cause she’s that damned good at what she does, that’s why. Whether blazing a path through the literary lanscape of pulp horror, or writing straight-up erotica, this author has it all.

The tingles that Giron is capable of creating, whether sexual or scary, make up the meat of what I look for in my horror fiction. The Narcissist’s BLT is Giron’s return to the horror, and with what reads like an updated and erotic version of The Modern Prometheus, the genre should be on their feet welcoming her back.

Dr. Miriam Frederick craves perfection and love and great sex. Since she has the tools and the intelligence, she spends her time trying to create the perfect lovers. These journals record her bloody sex fuelled experiments as she seduces her “subjects” and reinvents them in her own image.

The Beauty: A gorgeous woman.

The Linguist: A best-selling author of high intelligence

The Triathlete: A handsome man with the best sexual stamina.

Playing the sex card straight away, Girón invites us into a very intimate and personal account of sexual experimentation and curious deviancy through the diary and notes of Dr. Miriam Frederick, a scientist with a special mission – to create the perfect lover. The author never lets the reader believe that she’ll pull any punches, and promises nothing more than a great story with a few choice scenes of depravity, sexuality, and chills. And my oh my does she deliver.

Like Dr. Frankenstein in Shelley’s classic novel, Girón’s main character is in search of something more from her experiments. In Dr. Frederick’s case, she’s looking for the perfect lover – someone who embodies everything she holds dear in all of the experiences she’s had throughout her life. She takes into account the thoughtful nature of one man, the sexual stamina of another, and the beauty of a woman who entices her homosexual tendencies, and tries to mix them all into one comfortable living space. Where Girón really sells the piece is through her use of science to justify the actual transformation of the characters from autonomous to basic, but conscious, sexual slavery. That in itself is kind of terrifying. How far can science take us, and where will our modern Frankensteins decide to go next?

The way that Girón describes the process of change in these characters is completely believeable, but comes second to the pain and want that lies just beneath the surface of the main character. It’s very obvious that Girón uses Dr. Frederick’s career and goals as a scientist as a sort of trojan horse to the fact that she is severely wounded and lonely. Her mental stability is also at question, being that she’d even consider a venture such as this. Employing the use of nano-technology towards an almost pavlovian conditioning, Frederick basically seduces her quarry through mind-control and electronic vibrations. With believable realism, Girón crafts a story that sits on your conscience and sinks it’s way into your mind a little like the experiments that her main character employs on her subjects.

The brutality and gore in this novella are not shucked for the sake of erotic and/or sci-f infused horror themes. Make no mistake: Sèphera Girón has what it takes to bring you to the brink of the most uncomfortable situations, and writes with the best of the bad boys in the genre. Her descriptions range from slightly painful to full out gross, painting the literary canvas with enough blood and bodily fluids to sate even the most hardened of genre fans. There’s a point in the novella where the good Doctor finds herself in a very compromising position, and Girón doesn’t hold back on her at all. The author plays favorites with nobody, apparently, and doles out the punishment fairly throughout the entire piece. All of the characters in this novella feel the pain in one way or another, promting some of the most original and welcomed death scenes this reviewer has read in a while.

When it comes to sex, Girón writes with the best of them. Combining gore-filled scenes and murderous themes with some of the most erotic prose you’re likely to come across, Girón provides a full out assault on the reader’s vulnerable senses. From sleazy sex clubs to one-off trysts in a restaurant bathroom, Girón knows what the reader wants and delivers with aplomb. Her descriptions of all things carnal are beautifully described and never fall short of the mouthwatering, heart-pounding, exciting nature that I’ve come to love and expect from this author.

The Nacissist’s BLT has a bit of everything for those looking to spice up their horror with a little bit of the naughtiness that Erotic fiction has to offer. Girón is in top form with this release, and doesn’t look like she’s going to stop. And I pray to every little god and demon that she doesn’t.

C.