The Book That Eats People

The Book That Eats People, written by John Perry and illustrated by Mark Fearing

If you decide to take our advice and check out this book, please be careful.  It eats people.  First it ate Sammy Ruskin.  Then it trashed a pile of books and ate a library security guard before disguising itself as a book about dolphins to get a little girl to take it home with her.  Yes…the book ate her too.  AND a group of children who found it in a box in an alley!  So the police put it in jail, where it ate another prisoner.  The book gets sent to the zoo for rehabilitation and they try feeding it all sorts of delicious things, but to no avail.  The book CRAVES people!

Some survival tips for handling this book:
1.  Close it and put heavy things on top if you hear growling and think it’s getting hungry.
2.  Never ever read it alone!
3.  Never read or hold the book while you have food on your hands or in your pockets.
4.  If you hear a noise ‘like an octopus in a tub of yogurt’, the book is starving and you’d better put it near somebody who looks like they might be delicious (every man for himself when it comes to people-eating books, I suppose).

This book is hilariously dark and gruesome, I love it!  It’s awesome for reading out loud, especially if you’re not afraid to rant and rave and carry on (my personal specialty!).  It’s especially fun if the book occasionally jumps off your lap and tries to eat the audience (okay, maybe that would be traumatizing for a more sensitive child, but mine thought it was funny…use good judgment here, folks!).  The art is fantastic and has a dark humour all its own.

I really consider The Book That Eats People a must-have for a children’s horror collection.  Run out and grab a copy!  Just exercise caution – the book is always hungry.

KinderScares’ Halloween Kids Photo Contest – prize post!

Okay folks – we’re seriously loving the entries we’ve gotten so far for the photo contest!  The creepy cuteness abounds!  Keep ’em coming!

(If you’re hearing about this for the first time, check out the contest details here.  Basically, send us a Halloween-themed photo of your kids, or you as a kid.  The contest is open until November 1st, in case y’all get some incredible shots this year that you just have to send in, and winners will be announced November 6th!)

We have three prize packages for the best (best being in this case a highly subjective term meaning ‘whichever really catches our fancy’, haha) three pictures:

The first package consists of 3 kids ebooks by the awesome Scott Nicholson!  We’ll gift you the Kindle editions of Dunkin the Punkin, Too Many Witches, and If I Were Your Monster.  So much fun, and perfect to keep on your e-reader to entertain the kids when you’re stuck in a long line-up or waiting room (ask me how I know…).

The second package contains:
The awesome and inimitable Frankenstein Makes a Sandwich by Adam Rex, one of our all-time favourite picture books
A hilariously awesome piece of art called Bert of the Dead by Terry Marsh (Bert and Ernie surrounded by zombies? We freaking LOVE this!).  We picked up a few prints at FanExpo this year.  It’s signed by the artist.
Little Monsters Cookbook for some Halloween foodie fun!

The third package:
A hardcover copy of Frankenstein Makes a Sandwich
And A Zombie Ate My Cupcake, which is seriously awesome.

 

Keep the pics coming! Happy Halloween weekend everybody!

All Hallow’s Read (Day 25) A scary book for…

…kids of all ages!

This here is the KinderScares edition of our All Hallow’s Read book suggestions!  Most of us have a little person or two in our lives we’d love to share some Halloween fun with, and All Hallow’s Read is the perfect tradition for it.  Encourage literacy, get to shop for books, give a gift, and do something for Halloween…what could be better than that?!

I’ve been recommending spooky books for kids for a long time now, and I have a plethora of horror-themed suggestions floating around in my brain.  But I’ve been procrastinating on this post for ages because the choices are killing me! I could have made a recommendation every day of this month (maybe I should do that next year?).  Instead I have this one post to cram with beloved scary children’s books, and some guilt about all the awesome ones I won’t have space for.  😉

For a baby in your life, The Gruffalo by Julia Donaldson.  Mouse outsmarts everyone in the deep dark woods and even shows up the terrifying gruffalo!  Hilarious and cute as heck, it’s perfect for the tiniest monster-lovers and available as a board book!

For the picture book crowd (‘scary’ picture books are my favourite and I’m kind of hyperventilating having to choose just one!)…Goodnight Goon by Michael Rex.  This book is as good as parodies can get.  SO GOOD and so hilarious for those of us who have read Goodnight Moon one to0 many thousand times.

(Cheating here because I can’t suggest just one: if you’re the one who’s going to be reading the picture book to your little fiends, consider checking out my ‘picture books  horror-loving PARENTS will love’ suggestions…kids will love them too, don’t worry!)

For younger novel readers (and older ones, it’s versatile!), Coraline by Neil Gaiman.  This is one of my favourite children’s novels! Coraline is the kind of awesome heroine we’d love to see more often in children’s literature – she’s smart, resourceful, honest and courageous, not to mention creative and self-reliant.  Combined with a seriously creepy concept and a great story, it’s a winner for sure.

For the middle-grade crowd, Zombiekins by Kevin Bolger.  This is a scary book that is also plain old FUN as hell!  Zombiekins is the middle-grade equivalent of all your favourite b-grade flicks on paper.  Any kid with a penchant for thrills and big, vivid imagery will get a serious kick out of this book.  Hell, the grown-up kids will too!

We hit up YA earlier this month, so I’m stopping at middle grade and resisting the urge to add extra titles to each category.  But if there’s a kid in your life you’re looking to pick a book for and you’d like advice, don’t hesitate to drop us a line, we love to help!  And I’d be thrilled to hear YOUR scary book suggestions for kids in the comments!

All Hallow’s Read is a book-giving tradition thought up by author Neil Gaiman. We’ll be making book suggestions all month long in case you need ideas!

A Halloween book for kids!

Alpha Oops: H is for Halloween, written by Alethea Kontis and illustrated by Bob Kolar

I reviewed this back in the day (okay, just last year when it first came out) on the original KinderScares site.  Our kids love love love this mixed up alphabet (in fact, my writing this was just interrupted by my 3-year-old walking by, seeing the picture and demanding I read it to him…but I digress).  It’s just been rereleased in a smaller format, which gives me a chance to rave about it all over again!

Here’s what I said about it last year:

It’s time for the Halloween show, and A isn’t ready yet. But hey, Halloween starts with H, so who better to get things started? Even mixed-up, this wacky alphabet puts on quite a production!
With something spooky-themed for each letter of the disordered alphabet, this book really keeps you guessing by throwing in some unexpected words (I’m sorry – kraken and lycanthrope in the same children’s book? I hereby crown you KING OF THE ALPHABET BOOKS!). Illustrations are great, with a style that’s reminiscent of old-timey Halloween decorations dosed with cuteness.
Definitely a new household favourite for our little monsters, and I’m so glad we stumbled upon it…grab a copy for your own little beasts!
Serious Halloween fun for the little guys.  If you need an All Hallow’s Read suggestion for a kid in your life, look no further!  There’s also a fun website where you can do puzzles and play games after reading the book.  Have fun!

Stop! You NEED these books!

We all know that kids like to be read to.  They love it, even.  Even when it’s the worst piece of mind-numbing drivel, the kids don’t seem to mind.  Even when it’s the worst piece of drivel for the 83rd time in a row…let’s face it.  The kids don’t give a shit!
So these picture books aren’t for the kids (although it’s a safe bet they’ll love them too).  These books are for YOU, horror-loving parents.  I know you’re one cutesy piece of picture-book torture away from running screaming down the street flailing like Grover and refusing to ever read to your offspring again.  We don’t want that.  (Shhhhh, it’s all right.  Books good.  Don’t be afraid, poor terrorized parent.  We can help you, never fear.)
The six picture books I have for you today are nothing but pure awesome, and I promise they’ll be just as much fun for you as the tiny terror you’re reading them to.  No really.  You’ll see!

Alpha Oops: H is for Halloween, written by Alethea Kontis and illustrated by Bob Kolar

A fun and beautiful book with a style reminiscent of vintage Halloween decorations, this is a favorite around here.  Any alphabet book that has both ‘kraken’ and ‘lycanthrope’ in it is okay by me!

Boris and Bella, written by Carolyn Crimi and illustrated by Gris Grimly

Boris and Bella, the tale of two ghoulishly feuding characters, is hilarious and makes a great read-aloud.  Creepy illustrations by the talented Gris Grimly really bring it to life and give it an awesome atmosphere.

The Monsterologist: A Memoir in Rhyme, written by Bobbi Katz and illustrated by Adam McCauley

The Monsterologist is a collection of rhyming poetry that takes you through the adventures of a monster expert.  It’s funny, ingenious, and all around beautiful to look at, just an amazingly designed book.

Frankenstein Makes a Sandwich written and illustrated by Adam Rex

This is a classic, the book we credit with sending us down the path that led eventually to KinderScares.  Absolutely hilarious monster poetry both written and illustrated by the inimitable Adam Rex.  Although kids love it, you’ll be laughing hardest while they keep asking “What’s so funny?”.  And if you love it as much as we do (you will), there’s a sequel, Frankenstein Takes the Cake.

The Book That Eats People, written by John Perry and illustrated by Mark Fearing

Please be careful when purchasing this book.  It eats people.

Awesomely dark and entertaining, this is one of my all-time favourites.  I like to end my read-aloud rendition by chasing the kids around the room screeching and making it try to eat them.  You, um, might want to NOT do that.  I hear therapy’s expensive.

Goodnight Goon, written and illustrated by Michael Rex

Last my dears, but far from least, I bring you the piece de resistance.  For every mom and dad who has suffered through Goodnight Moon so many times they can recite it by heart, I have the most badass parody in the history of the written word. Yes.  Goodnight GOON!  Full of monsters and martians and goo, this is the version horror fans everywhere will fall in love with.  Mr. Michael Rex – we salute you.

So get out there, parents, and buy your kids a new book today!  It won’t hurt, I promise.