Ah Stoker season. The time of year when everybody and their mother who is involved in the horror genre biznasss gets all primped and primed to… I actually don’t know WHAT they do there. I’ve never been… *sob*

But they do offer a live stream online! WOO!

Now, just in case you were like the hundreds (or more likely handful) of people who couldn’t log on to the live stream of tonight’s HWA Bram Stoker awards, please let me rub it in your face that I was there (eventually… it’s a long story).

I win. You lose. Goodnight.

No. In all seriousness, the majority of users (all but 25, in fact) could not log into the “Stoker-cast” because of the hotel’s bandwidth limitation. The HWA offered up this explanation via Twitter:

 

Naturally, the explanation came after I had already tweeted this (and continued my tradition of being annoying during the Stoker Awards):

That said, when I managed to get in there – likely because some poor bastard lost their connection right when I was assailing the feed again and again – I live tweeted the ever-loving fuck out of the whole damned thing for those of you who are savvy enough to follow yours truly on The Tweeter. (@paperbackhorror).
And then my RTs went stupid crazy, and some hot chick in a yellow bikini started following me… but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t actually exist, and, well… THAT, my friends, was the highlight of my night.

Anywhooo… you can see below for the nominees and wieners… sorry… winners.
You’ll have to go to another site for wieners.

(All of the below opinions belong to me, myself, and I(rene), and in no way reflect the blah blah blah Dreadful Tales blah blah. Don’t bug the others if you don’t agree with me. They won’t listen anyway. So shush.)

Superior Achievement in a Novel

Joe Hill – N0S4A2 (William Morrow)
Stephen King – Doctor Sleep (Scribner) WINNER
Lisa Morton – Malediction (Evil Jester Press)
Sarah Pinborough and F. Paul Wilson – A Necessary End (Thunderstorm/Maelstrom Press)
Christopher Rice – The Heavens Rise (Gallery Books)

*I was kind of pulling for Pinborough and Wilson to win this one, but the battle of the Kings pretty much made that difficult, didn’t it? Regardless, I seriously urge all of you to pick up A Necessary End. It is fantastic*

Superior Achievement in a First Novel

Kate Jonez – Candy House (Evil Jester Press)
John Mantooth – The Year of the Storm (Berkley Trade)
Rena Mason – The Evolutionist (Nightscape Press) WINNER
Jonathan Moore – Redheads (Samhain Publishing)
Royce Prouty – Stoker’s Manuscript (G.P. Putnam’s Sons)

*I had my eye on Moore’s Redheads for this one, but Mason deserves the win just as much.*

Superior Achievement in a Young Adult Novel

Patrick Freivald – Special Dead (JournalStone)
Kami Garcia – Unbreakable (Little, Brown Books for Young Readers)
Geoffrey Girard – Project Cain (Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers)
Joe McKinney – Dog Days (Journalstone) WINNER
Cat Winters – In the Shadow of Blackbirds (Harry N. Abrams)

*In The Shadow of Blackbirds was my pick for this category, but McKinney spins a good yarn as well. I’d still like to encourage y’all to check this one out. It’s a great, and inventive read.*

Superior Achievement in a Graphic Novel

Ed Brubaker – Fatale, Book Three: West of Hell (Image Comics)
Caitlin R. Kiernan – Alabaster: Wolves (Dark Horse Comics) WINNER
Brandon Seifert – Witch Doctor, Vol. 2: Mal Practice (Image Comics)
Cameron Stewart – Sin Titulo (Dark Horse Comics)
Paul Tobin – Colder (Dark Horse Comics)

*Caitlin R. Kiernan kicked the shit out of this category, and I really couldn’t be happier. She deserves this win. Alabaster: Wolves was my pick for the win, with Brubaker’s Fatale coming in a very close second.*

Superior Achievement in Long Fiction

Dale Bailey – “The Bluehole” (The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction, May/June 2013)
Gary Braunbeck – “The Great Pity” (Chiral Mad 2, Written Backwards) WINNER
Benjamin Kane Ethridge – “The Slaughter Man” (Limbus, Inc., JournalStone)
Gregory Frost – “No Others Are Genuine” (Asimov’s Science Fiction, Oct/Nov. 2013)
Greg F. Gifune – House of Rain (DarkFuse)
Rena Mason – East End Girls (JournalStone)

*I’m super stoked that Gary won the award for this story. It’s incredible, and he deserves the win.*

Superior Achievement in Short Fiction

Michael Bailey – “Primal Tongue” (Zippered Flesh 2, Smart Rhino Publications)
Patrick Freivald – “Snapshot” Blood & Roses, Scarlett River Press)
David Gerrold – “Night Train to Paris” (The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, Jan/Feb 2013) WINNER
Lisa Mannetti – “The Hunger Artist” (Zippered Flesh 2, Smart Rhino Publications)
John Palisano – “The Geminis” (Chiral Mad 2, Written Backwards)
Michael Reaves – “Code 666” (The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction, Mar/Apr 2013)

*This category was tricky for me, but only because it was near impossible for my to get a few of the stories in my hands. I had Mannetti’s The Hunger Artist picked for this one. But then again, I’m a lifelong Mannetti fan.*

Superior Achievement in a Screenplay

Fabien Adda and Fabrice Gobert – The Returned: S1E8 “The Horde” (Ramaco Media I, Castelao Pictures)
Brad Falchuk – American Horror Story – Asylum: S2E11 “Spilt Milk” (Brad Falchuk Teley-Vision, Ryan Murphy Productions)
Bryan Fuller – Hannibal: S1E1 “Apératif” (Dino De Laurentis Company, Living Dead Guy Productions, AXN: Original X Production, Gaumont International Television)
Daniel Knauf – Dracula: S1E2 “A Whiff of Sulpher” (Flame Ventures, Playground, Universal Television, Carnival Films)
Glen Mazzara – The Walking Dead: S3E16 “Welcome to the Tombs” (AMC TV) WINNER

*I really didn’t see TWD winning this award. If it was up against Dracula by itself, sure. But with AHS, Hannibal, and The Returned stacked against it? I was rooting for The Returned (Les Revenants) to take it home. But I guess you Americans still don’t like the French. 😉 *

Superior Achievement in an Anthology

R.J. Cavender and Boyd E. Harris (ed) – Horror Library: Volume 5 (Cutting Block Press)
Eric J. Guignard (ed) – After Death… (Dark Moon Books) WINNER
Michael Knost and Nancy Eden Siegel (ed) – Barbers & Beauties (Hummingbird House Press)
Joseph S. Pulver, Sr. (ed) – The Grimscribe’s Puppets (Miskatonic River Press)
Anthony Riviera and Sharon Lawson (ed) – Dark Visions: A Collection of Modern Horror, Volume One (Grey Matter Press)

*Don’t even ask me about this one. I’ll stand by The Horror Library forever. I’m glad Guignard won, as he seems like a nice guy, but I want to see +THL+ receive its due.*

Superior Achievement in a Fiction Collection

Nathan Ballingrud – North American Lake Monsters: Stories (Small Beer Press)
Laird Barron – The Beautiful Thing That Awaits Us All and Other Stories (Night Shade Books) WINNER
James Dorr – The Tears of Isis (Perpetual Motion Machine Publishing)
Caitlin R. Kiernan – The Ape’s Wife and Other Stories (Subterranean Press)
S.P. Somtow – Bible Stories for Secular Humanists (Diplodocus Press)

*”It’s about time Barron took home a Stoker Award” says every Lovecraft and modern “Weird” fiction fan ever. I agree, but still don’t dig HPL. Sorry, Brice. Barron deserves the recognition for his stellar work in the genre*

Superior Achievement in Non-Fiction

Barbara Brodman and James E. Doan (ed) – Images of the Modern Vampire: The Hip and the Atavistic (Fairleigh Dickenson)
Gary William Crawford – Ramsey Campbell: Critical Essays on the Modern Master of Horror (Scarecrow Press)
William F. Nolan – Nolan on Bradbury: Sixty Years of Writing about the Master of Science Fiction (Hippocampus Press) WINNER
Jarkko Toikkanen – The Intermedial Experience of Horror: Suspended Failures (Palgrave Macmillan)
Robert H. Waugh (ed) – Lovecraft and Influence: His Predecessors and Successors (Scarecrow Press)

*I don’t even want to talk about this category. Have you ever tried to read essays on HPL or Ramsay Campbell, let alone Bradbury? This ain’t bathroom reading, folks! This is some seriousness! I couldn’t handle it, so I don’t have a vote. But YAY for Nolan, right?*

Superior Achievement in a Poetry Collection

Bruce Boston – Dark Roads: Selected Long Poems 1971-2012 (Dark Renaissance Books)
Helen Marshall – The Sex Lives of Monsters (Kelp Queen Press)
Marge Simon and Sandy DeLuca – Dangerous Dreams (Elektrik Milk Bath Press)
Marge Simon, Rain Graves, Charlee Jacob, and Linda Addison – Four Elements (Bad Moon Books/Evil Jester Press) WINNER
Stephanie M. Wytovich – Hysteria: A Collection of Madness (Raw Dog Screaming Press)

*And finally, the Poetry award. See, I had my sights set on Helen Marshall for the win, not only because she’s hot, or because she’s Canadian, but because this was a really goddamned good book! I haven’t read something this awesome since Maria Alexander’s At Louche Ends. Boston’s Dark Roads is a trip worth taking as well, but I’m glad Rain, Marge, Linda, and Charlee won. They do a lot of good for Horror Poetry.*