Look At That (Christm)Ass (Wish List)!

images-2I met Kat and Cara a long while back. Shit, I don’t even remember how we got involved with each other (Ed: I’m lying. Kat won a contest a while back, and that’s how we got in touch), but our relationship was one of those things that would hang around for a long time.

Y’all know I like my books, and I’m definitely a fan of beautiful women, so when you moosh them together in one place… well, you know I’m bound to be there at some point in time. Enter The BiblioBabes. If ever there was an appropriate place for a hearty, and slightly pervy “hubba hubba”… it’s right here.

And seriously, we’re just going to go ahead and get this out of the way right here – Naked Reading Sunday. Yep. That’s where it’s at. What is it? It’s people. reading. naked. on Sunday. Pretty simple, eh? And yet it’s a helluva lot more complex than that. Now, I don’t exactly know why there aren’t many NRS sightings these days, but for a while there, one could count on reading some hilariously written reviews and/or posts, and all of a sudden BAM!! – scantily clad women reading books.

Beats the hell outta church, don’t it?

And speaking of hilarious posts and reviews, not only are these two of the most well spoken ladies on the internet, but they give amazing reviews of whatever they read, don’t pull punches, and their work flows like a river of smutty backtalk. Point in fact – stroll over to their site and take a look at the Daily Radness section.

*claps hands*5755570_orig


Kat and Cara win the internets and all your face are belong to them.

I love these girls, and while Cara was waaaaay too busy to entertain my sill little request (I’m kidding, Cara… chill), Kat was kind enough to rant on about all sorts of Christmas wants and wishes. So here we go. Read on, young… er… reader…

Oh shut up. Just go click “read more” and get off my back. Jeeze.

When the ever-badass Colum asked if I was interested in doing an “All I Want For Christmas” post, I was stoked – not only do I love working with Colum and Dreadful Tales, but it also gave me a chance to actually sit my ass down and do some good ol’ Holiday hemming and hawing.


I mean, I love Christmas; it’s the time of year where you can shop like crazy, eat mass amounts of terribly rich food, have an excuse to be drunk almost ever day, and find tinsel in the most unexpected places (between my sweater puppies is an excellent example, hanging out of a cat’s butt is another)funny-pictures-cat-plays-with-tinsel

Bet of all, the Holidays are a time for gifts, both giving and receiving. (Ed. *faints*) Mostly receiving, though. (Ed: *faints again) And with that heartwarming thought in mind, I present you with my Christmas list for 2012, in the order of “Least-likely-so-start-looking-for-that-magic-lamp” to “could-possibly-happen-with-help-from-a-rich-benefactor-and/or-my-MasterCard.” 


Item One: And Autographed Stephen King Book:

stephen-kingSeriously, this is my holy grain, my Mecca, and my reason I’d become a stripper pretending to work my way through college, all rolled into one magical tome. Now, I could possibly get one of these. A dude came into the bookstore I worked at and gave me the secret, but it would involve me traveling to Maine (so far I haven’t been able to come up with a plausible enough excuse to get out of work, pet, and husband duty) and a shady deal involving a taxi-driver.

And, while I’m wishing here, I’d really want it to be an autographed copy of Skeleton Crew, flipped specifically to “Survivor Type” (which is my most favorite short story EVER!!!!1!!!11!) and obviously inscribed to moi and/or my hardcover Desperation and The Regulators set. I mean, go big or go home, right? But hell, I’d take just about anything he’s written on. Hopefully my boobs one day. WOO HOO! Literature groupie for life!

Item Two: For All The Authors I Love To Write More Books.

I have read some pretty shitty-ass bullshit in my time. Groaningly bad stuff. I mean, just putrid. And I have zero desire to waste my time on that kind of thing, as we only have so many house in our lives that we can spend reading. So why not skip all the unknown variables and go with some reliable authors that you know and love? Scott Smith? I’m looking’ at you. And Christopher Pike (or “Fistopher Fike” as the lady at Wal-Mart repeated to me when I asked for his newest book.)

Y U No write more adult novels?! Quit draggin’ ass and entertain me, goddamn it!

Item Three: A Christopher Pike Autographed Book

christopherpikeNow this, THIS I can achieve. The notoriously reclusive Christopher Pike has, thank Christ, come out of his mansion full of naked women and ranch dressing fountains (I assume) to converse with the likes of me… and everyone else who can work Facebook. Not only that, but he’s willing to sign books! So as soon as I have a day off, I’m running to the UPS store with my piggy bank (and yes, I actually have a piggy bank stuffed with wads of crumpled bills and coins for all my important expenses like tattoos and visiting Cara) and a handful of his work, and I’m getting that shit DELIVERED, son!

Seriously, you have no idea how stoked I am about this. Fangirl swoon.

Item Four: Whatever I Can Get From My Amazon Wishlist

Did you know that I have over two hundred items on my Amazon.ca wish list? (Ed: hint hint…) Neither did I, until I actually took the time to look at it, as opposed to just add more books to it. It’s Christmas, and I still managed (with a few tears) to convince those who need convincing that I desperately required a couple hundred dollars worth of books. So now Im eating Christmas chocolates for every meal because my boss brings them to work by the car load, but I have a dozen new books to revel in. Who needs food when you can have books?! Food only lasts so long, but you can enjoy books forever. Not shut up, stomach – you’re distracting me from my literature.


Achievement Unlocked! Actually, I took a break writing this after Item One because I had to go pick up bookshelves! My very good lady friend (seen here dressed as me for Halloween):katJ9

J9 scooped some bookshelves from her Grandma’s place and offered them to me. Not only did I snatch that opportunity right up, but they exactly matched the ones I already have! Dear Ikea: Thank you for having cheap mass-produced furniture that everyone buys – it makes decorating way easier.

I’d like to think my Wish List this year is pretty reasonable… more reasonable than usual, anyways. And if any of y’all wanna help me with any of this, I definitely wouldn’t kick ya out of bed…ifoyuknow

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