Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You! by Bradley Sands

From Amazon.com:

Rico Slade doesn’t care about the political climate. Rico Slade has an advanced degree in badassery. Rico Slade’s favorite food is the honey-roasted peanut. Rico Slade can rip out a throat with his bare hands.

But Rico Slade has a problem. His arch-nemesis, Baron Mayhem, is threatening to drop a bomb on the Earth that will kill every human being except himself while leaving the world’s currency intact. To save the planet, Rico Slade must journey across Hollywood to find Baron Mayhem. Unfortunately, Rico Slade’s crime fighting style involves ripping out the throat of anyone who gets in his way, including grandmothers and Midwestern tourists.

As Rico Slade leaves Hollywood in ruins, the only person who can stop him from destroying the city is his Jewish psychologist, Harold Schwartzman. Until he does, Rico Slade will kill as many people as it takes to thwart Baron Mayhem’s evil scheme. Rico Slade will fucking kill everyone.
 

Rico Slade is the all American male.  He will rip out your  fucking  throat without hesitation and if you dare aggitate him, there is no doubt that he will punch you in your fucking face a bunch of fucking times.  It is as simple as that.  Rico Slade takes no shit from nobody. Rico Slade also maintains a giant pompadour.  Why, you ask? So the police can identify him as a practicioner of badassery. It doesn’t matter that Rico Slade is a fictional character portrayed by some frumpy bald dude named Chip Johnson.  Rico Slade will still rule the shit out of everything. See, Rico Slade has invaded Chip Johnson’s being so now Rico can kick ass in the real world too!

Rico Slade is happy that Bradley Sands took the time out of his stupid life to chronicle the life of Rico Slade.  Rico is not really that happy that Bradley Sands decided to try and make him think by incorporating some social commentary into this book.  Rico Slade’s life is about Rico and boobs, Rico and explosions, Rico and owning the shit out of motherfuckers, not some heady bullshit about the state of America’s consumerism.  Who gives two shits about the facade that most Americans put up?  That is just some dumb shit that people (who don’t have a constant nu metal soundtrack playing in their head) think about. Luckily, Rico Slade is not one of these people and if he was, well, he just might have to kick his own ass.

Overall, though, Rico likes the work that Bradley did.  Although at one point Bradley insisted on using some “blue” language so Rico had to wash Mr. Sands mouth out……….. with his fucking foot.  Thats just how Rico Slade rolls.   Oh and Rico Slade was a little upset when the author tried to question Rico Slade’s sexuality in an attempt to  illustrate America’s sense of homophobia.  That was really gay.  Other than that, Rico totally loved all of the ass he kicked in this book.  Hell, thinking about it gives Rico Slade the biggest hard-on.  Rico Slade would be the first to tell you how truly impressive it looks at full mast.

Rico Slade gets annoyed when people call this little document of awesomeness a brilliant work of bizarro.  It is brilliant but he doesn’t know about all of this bizarro shit.  That sounds like some sort of terrorist speak and, with the help of Jesus, Rico Slade will destroy anyone who even resembles one of those fucking animals. Rico Slade is all about decency and good ol’ American values.  Anyone who questions that will get a size 22 zebra skin boot up their poop shoot.

Do yourself a favor (not only because this is one of the best book you’re likely to read this year but for your own general well-being) and go pick up this fantastic book or, I swear to Christ, Rico Slade will fucking kill you.

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About Pat Dreadful

Father of three. Impregnator of one. Pat lives in the backwoods of Pennsylvania where he splits his time between moonshining and moonlighting. He used to be the sole proprietor of a funky little site called Grade Z Horror but jumped at the chance to work with Meli and Colum. He was raised on King and Crichton but quickly found true salvation in the works of Ketchum and Laymon. When not selling plasma to afford those highly sought after Jeff Strand limited editions, Pat can be found sitting on his back porch with a pipe full of Perique and the sounds of summer coming through a beat up transistor radio. Simply put, he is a true ramblin’ boy of pleasure. The books that have shaped Pat’s warped lil’ ol’ mind have included Dweller by Jeff Strand, It by Stephen King, Boy’s Life by Robert McCammon, The Traveling Vampire Show by Richard Laymon and The Girl Next Door by Jack Ketchum. Pat is always on the lookout for a good coming-of-age yarn so shoot your suggestions to PatDreadful@gmail.com You can also follow his unsavory exploits over at theblackwoodsbible.wordpress.com

2 thoughts on “Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You! by Bradley Sands

  1. Pingback: Dreadful Tales Weekend Roundup « Dreadful Tales

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