The Dreadful Tales family is an international entity. Although our staff are only currently represented by America and Canada, Dreadful Tales is connected to writers and fans all over the globe. I have a special connection with Japan and a deep love of Canada, for both their contributions to horror and the friends I’ve made there. But this weekend it’s all about the U.S.A.! Typically this is an excuse to exhibit our independence by getting drunk in the early afternoon, blowing shit up, and eating brats until we pop. This year I started to reflect on all the fictional characters I would want to spend Independence Day with. I orchestrated a fantasy BBQ with my favorite all-American authors and their bigger than life creations. In celebration of America’s independence I offer my picks of the greatest Patriots of modern fiction. These are the men and women who protect us from evil, monsters, and the general riffraff who threaten our freedoms. Enjoy beyond the break!
Buck Dennis from The Gospel of Bucky Dennis by J.R. Parks
Bucky Dennis is the perfect fictional character to kick off this 4th of July list! This bayou bubba is a monster slayer who don’t take no guff. Bucky is the best guy to have around, whether in a fight with a Cannibal Pygmy Shit-Fiend or kicking back to take a load off with an ice cold brew. He likes Jack Daniels, women, and his ’69 Dodge Charger, making Bucky Dennis an all-American badass we can be proud of. So, Bucky, for keeping your hometown of Verney County, Mississippi safe from all manner of monsters and demons and having the best ‘stache this side of the beautiful U.S. of A., we salute you!
You can read all about this American badass and his misadventures in J.R. Parks’ The Gospel of Bucky Dennis available in paperback and digital format at Amazon.com. You can pick up the Kindle edition for just $1.99!
Sharon from Endless Night by Richard Laymon
There are so many badass women in Richard Laymon’s Endless Night. From the teenage heroin who goes head-to-head with sadistic murderers, to Bess – the Kactus Kate’s waitress with a tattoo that reads “BORN TO BUST HEARTS AND BRONCOS.” There isn’t a lame duck in the bunch. But there is one woman who leaves the most lasting impression – Sharon – rookie cop and heartbreaker. I’d imagine Sharon looks a lot like Lt. Debbie Callahan from the Police Academy movies. She can drink any man under the table, she’s tough as nails, smart, and runs in the desert heat because she’s “gotta keep the bod fit.” Sharon is every man’s dream and every woman’s inspiration. She is a bonafide protector of the American people and a red hot, brick house mamma with a love of guns and a helluva shot. Here’s to you, Sharon, for protecting the American people from scum and looking damn fine doing it!
You can pick up the Headline Book paperback here.
Jake Helman from Personal Demons and Desperate Souls by Gregory Lamberson
Gregory Lamberson puts Jake Helman through hell in The Jake Helman Files series! Jake starts out as New York City homicide detective who loses his career and wife all in the span of a day after testing positive for cocaine. But since Jake is an all-American badass, he doesn’t sit around on his hump feeling sorry for himself. Well, he does go on a little bender, but after that Jake transforms into the ultimate paranormal detective. While his former colleagues maintain order on the mean streets of New York City, Jake is facing demons no one else has the balls to! Jake will take on any man or monster to keep his streets clean and safe. So, Jake, for doing a job only an all-American badass can, we salute you!
Personal Demons and Desperate Souls are available at Medallion Press. Be on the lookout for the 3rd book in the series Cosmic Forces due out October 2011!
Officer Christy Sorensen from The 13th by John Everson
John Everson is a writer that usually populates his novels with cool, independent, touch-as-nails ladies and The 13th is no exception. The central character that really kicks off the plot is the rebellious spitfire Brenda, but it’s Christy that I really fell in love with. Christy is a petite blond that doesn’t exactly instill fear into her enemies, but she doesn’t let a small frame stop her either. She trained hard in the academy to make up for what she lacks in size with her combat skills and “she’d gotten damn good at dropping 180-pound guys without breaking a sweat.” That’s my kind of woman! Another great characteristic about Christy is that she breaks the rules, if that’s what she has to do to save a life or two. Not content to stand idly by while a sinister group corrupts her town, Christy sets out to save the victims of Castle House Asylum almost single-handed! Here’s to you, Christy, for proving that even a petite woman can kick major ass and being an all-American hero!
The sexy, blood-soaked hardcover edition of The 13th pictured here is available from Necro Publications.
Lincoln Crisler isn’t a fictional character in a horror novel. Crisler is the author of two short story collections, Magick & Misery and Despairs & Delights, and his first novella Wild (just released earlier this year). When Crisler isn’t writing twisted fiction, he serves as a staff sergeant for the United States army. That’s right, Crisler is a real life all-American hero. When the zombie apocalypse pops off, this is the man you want on your side. He’s trained in hand-to-hand combat and weaponry by the best army in the world! As an active staff sergeant, Crisler would naturally fall into a role as leader and get his friends and family to a safe destination with their flesh intact. In addition to his service for the American people, Crisler is a dedicated husband and father. I don’t know Crisler personally, but anyone who follows him on the internet will quickly realize just how important his family is to him. So, here’s to you, Lincoln Crisler, for putting your life on the line for your country, being a great family man people can look up to, and keeping your fans entertained with a variety of twisted fiction!
Find out more about Lincoln Crisler and his work, purchase his books, and pick up some free fiction on his website.
Those are my top 5 picks for all-American badass, what’re yours?
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No Rico Slade? I’m sorry you’re not going to live much longer.
Uh oh, because “Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You!” Guilty as charge *hangs head in shame*
Dude, I’m coming to your house to kick the crap out of your goldfish (really hoping you got a goldfish or this threat is kinda embarrassing).
I suppose I could invest in a couple of goldfish to make it worth your while 😉