Congratu-fucking-lations, Pat m’boy!

The ENTIRE Dreadful Tales crew is brutally, maniacally, and excruciatingly excited to reveal to you, our faithful victims, that the follow up to the sequel, to the first, of Pat Dreadful’s incredible brood has finally been released upon the nation!!

Lock up your daughters and hide your wives! Actually… hide your purses and wallets and booze, too…

Pat was so excited, he actually reverted to baby form, leaving Kristen to yet again change his diapers like it was the morning after Tuesday Taco and Tequila Night.

As of 10:43am this very morning, the public will now be able to take in the sights, sounds, and smells of Pat and Kristen’s feature presentation – Joseph Laymon Dreadful*: Return of the Brown Menace, as produced by those glorious reproductive visionaries, Pat Dreadful and his wife Kristen “you’re leaning on my hair” Dreadful, and co-directed by Kyle and Ryan Dreadful – two all-star big brothers, and a handful in-and-of themselves.

*(the real last name has been withheld because it’s too damned rad for your eyes to handle)

This installment of the ongoing series of Pat and Kristen’s foray into their own beautiful hell has been long in the making. When asked to comment about the process, Mr. Dreadful replied “DUDE! There’s a SOCK on the DOOR HANDLE for fuck’s sake! KNOCK next time!” while hiding his junk behind a gnarled tobacco pouch and waving a box of Cracker Jacks around wildly. Mrs. Dreadful could be heard in the background flipping through reality TV shows and filing her nails, but was not available for comment.

Lords Kyle and Ryan could not be reached for comment, as one was remanded to the corner for feeding Pat’s treasured, signed copy of Are You There, God? It’s Me Margaret, to the dog, and the other was busy streaking naked through the neighborhood at high speeds, as he is wont to do on Tuesday mornings.

Meli, Jason, and all of the DT staff, including, and in a manner that is most vomitingly excited, myself, welcome this new little terror into the world with our own brand of secret handshake, and a coupon for a straight whiskey, no ice, on his 7th birthday. We’re so excited, we’re even making up new words for the little man! VOMITINGLY!!! YAY!!

Welcome to the world, young Joseph. We’ll make sure you get along well. And stick by that P. Dreaddy, m’boy. He’s got good taste in women and books. And you know that combination is vital to our geekdom and the proliferation of our kind.

Now let’s have three cheers for bumpin’ uglies and doin’ it till you drop!

To Mr. Pat to the motherfucking Dreadful, we salute you for having sex at least 3 times, and possibly more. Your example of a true horror literature fan is something to be aspired to, and without you, this scene would be shit. We love you, kind sir. Now GET BACK TO WORK!

Our condolences go out to Mrs. Kristen Dreadful for having to live out what only Mr.Richard Laymon could possibly describe in his Beast House series, at the hands of the naked ape that is Pat. But it was all for the best, as now you have your own little monster to coo at and feed neighborhood children to.

Pat Dreadful’s sexy-time attire leaves the women swooning, and the men… well… running for their lives

To Kyle and Ryan… now you have someone else to blame. Get to breaking stuff, boys! BREAK IT ALL!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!

We love you guys. Stay gold, and stay scary!

Love:

The entire goddamned internet (but mostly the Dreadful Tales Family)

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